Happy Birthday to my Man

 Matthew,

About a year and a half ago we started to get to know each other. There was something mysterious that kept attracting me back to you. It took a while but you finally let me in and I couldn't have designed a better person if I tried. That Christmas I asked you to be my boyfriend because you are the best man I know.

Looking into our future I know we can handle anything that gets thrown our way because not only are we lovers and dedicated partners, but we are best friends. Today you turned 31 years young. I hope you had an amazing birthday and I can't wait to spend every future birthday with you for the rest of our lives.

Yours forever,

Christine

Mini Elephant, Kinky Sex and Relationships

Mini elephant.

No, this isn't a post about oxymorons. Mini elephant would be an excellent safe word. What is a safe word you ask? It's a word or short phrase that wouldn't naturally come up in conversation or during moments of intimacy.

Safe words got their moment in the spotlight with the popularity of the book 50 Shades of Grey by E.L. James. Traditionally, safe words are used when two people are in an intimate situation and one person isn't ok with what's going down (pun intended). The reason "no" or "stop" shouldn't be used is because sometimes people are pretending or acting out intimate scenes and they may not actually mean "no" or "stop". Hence, establishing a safe word. I recommend that any two people that are going to engage in intimate relations establish a safe word beforehand. Even if you aren't going to get into doing anything kinky, it's still something that either of you can use that should immediately stop whatever is happening.

Photo credit.

Matt and I have a safe word for outside of the bedroom as well. In our past relationships there were many times our partners have not taken something we have said seriously enough for our liking. Which usually resulted in some kind of fight or simmering resentment. Our fix for that? A safe word. Although we haven't actually had to use it in our relationship it has been a great "just in case" tool to have in our bag. If one of us is ever feeling under appreciated or don't think the other has taken a concern seriously enough, our safe word is in our arsenal to use. It's our big, red, flashing light that says "Hello, you need to listen to me right now, even if you don't think this is important." Just having it there makes me feel so much more secure because I know that there is something definite to get his attention and vice versa. One of the biggest reasons for fights in relationships is a miscommunication or lack of communication in general. This is what we will use to fight that if we need to.

I have even found myself wishing I could have safe words for my relationships with friends and family because I'm sure a lot of fights would have been resolved quicker had we had one.

So right now, I want you to go to your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, or lover and establish a safe word with them. Something that either of you can use inside or outside the bedroom to grab the others attention. Even if you never have to use it, it's still great to have, just in case.

On Grey Hairs and Being Proud

My mother thinks I'm crazy and that I will think differently when I am older, but I have always said that I don't want to do the things women typically do when they start to age. Things like "dress for my age", cut my hair short, dye over my greys, etc. Although I have fallen prey to the media/society when it comes to physical insecurities about my body, I have always felt that growing old is a blessing. It's something that we should celebrate. I never really understood the whole never wanting to age thing.
Disclaimer: I am 25. So yes, I know many of you are thinking "just wait until you're 35, 50, 65" but hear me out.

The last couple of generations have been some of the longest living generations in the history of the world. There was a time when aboriginals in Canada were wed when they were 13-14 years old and 35-50 was considered old age. I feel like we should be proud of the fact that we are living so much longer (hopefully) instead of trying to stay young forever. It is a testament to how technology and medicine have grown and progressed. We have become so much smarter and therefore have found ways to continue to enjoy this wonderful home we call Earth for many years more than we have previously. If living a longer life isn't worth celebrating, then what is? I feel like when we are stripped of our titles, our possessions and all of our money, all we have left are the relationships we have built and our experiences we have lived through.

I strive to live in the moment, do what I love and surround myself with the people I love every single day and I believe that is the key to living a happy and fulfilling life. *knock on wood* If something happened tomorrow and I passed on, obviously I would be upset about not being able to continue to live but I wouldn't regret not living my life because I am happy with where I am and what I am doing. That is what living in the moment means to me.

My mother always said that I gave her grey hairs. And I 100% believe her. When I have kids and they give me grey hairs I will stand proudly and say "Hey! I got this grey hair because my kid just fell off their bike for the first time and it scared me to death. But I lived through it and I'm ok." Grey hairs and lines around our eyes and mouths represent stories, experiences. Why would we ever want to cover them up?

Partners in Crime

“The ego is the false self-born out of fear and defensiveness.” ― John O'Donohue, Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom

 As of late Matt and I have spent many a nights listening to our neighbours yell and scream at each other. Not just the regular bickering, but the whole "f*** you!" and "I'm leaving!" kind of screaming matches that normally would end a relationship. But yet we keep hearing them go at it.

I used to be a fighter. I loved arguing with people and coming out as the winner. I would even go as far to say that I fed off of conflict. The adrenaline rush from a good fight was almost like a high and as any fighter can relate, I'd do anything to be right.

But in relationships their are no winners. I've realized that when you win, you are forcing your partner to lose. You are knowingly hurting the person you love and hopefully want to spend the rest of your life with. More often than not, this is because people bring their egos to their fights. Instead of thinking about what is best for the unit, you end up thinking about how you want to be right and you'll do anything it takes to achieve that outcome.

If you have found yourself in the above scenario I want you to take a step back and think about what you actually achieved. Instead of wanting to be right, why not leave your ego at the door and shift your focus to how to resolve the issue and have both people be happy with the result? Why not work together as a team so that you can stop fighting and start enjoying each others company?

In our relationship, not everything is sunshine and rainbows. I don't want you thinking this will remove all conflict, because it won't. There are lots of instances where we disagree, offend each other or are just in a bad mood and it causes conflict. But by keeping our eyes on the end game they usually get resolved pretty quickly without feelings getting hurt. Instead of our egos going to war, we act as a team to get to a resolution as quickly as possible. After all, Matt is my partner in crime. It's him and I against the world. That is the attitude you should have in a relationship.

So next time your partner says something that makes you mad or you two disagree on something, think about what you want to achieve in the end, leave your ego at the door and just focus on getting back to a conflict free state.