Reason #1 For Becoming Vegetarian + Chocolate Frosting Recipe

I am the last person I would have ever expected to become vegan. My whole life ham and bacon have been two of my favorite foods. People have laughed at me before in the past when I have talked about giving up meat because I love pork so much. It has been an interesting journey to get to this point and I wanted to talk a bit about my reasons for making such an extreme change in my diet.

Source: Chapters

The changes started for me back in March 2011. Most of my life I have tried to find ways to save the earth. I have always tried to be eco-friendly but it wasn't until 2010/2011 that I really started to research about the state of our environment and what kind of impact my lifestyle was having on it. There are lots and lots of books, websites and articles out there about this but it was The Kind Diet by Alicia Silverstone that really hit home for me. Below are some scary facts about the impact our meat industry has on the environment:

• "It takes 441 gallons of water to produce 1 pound of beef... By comparison, it takes only 33 gallons of water to grow a pound of carrots. One 16-ounce steak uses the amount of water you need for 6 months of showers!" (The Kind Diet 2009, p.25)
• "It takes more than 11 times the energy to create animal protein than grain protein. When you take into account the fuel used for planting, watering, and harvesting of the grain a cow eats, its transportation, the energy used by factory farms, transportation of the cows to slaughter, and then the distribution of the meat to you... the average American eats 97 pounds of beef a year, our national burger-lust requires the energy equivalent of a mere 29 billion gallons of gas!" (The Kind Diet 2009, p.26)
• "The average American car produces 3 kilograms of carbon per day. The clearing and burning of enough Costa Rican rain forest to produce one hamburger creates 75 kilograms of carbon." (The Kind Diet 2009, p.27)
• "In fact, cattle grazing is the number one factor in the destruction of the rain forest, and we're losing 2.4 acres of it per second. That's 144 acres per minute. Seventy-five million acres per year! Rain forest used to cover 14 percent of the earth, but now it covers only 6 percent. You see, every hamburger requires a plot of land the size of a small kitchen to be cleared." (The Kind Diet 2009, p.27)

Those are just some of the disturbing facts I learned from Alicia's book. I highly recommend it as a good source for information on being eco-friendly when it comes to eating and also for the recipes.

Reason #1 for becoming vegetarian: better for the environment. After learning all of this information I couldn't continue to eat meat knowing how much damage it was doing to our planet. I will admit that deciding to become vegetarian or vegan is a very personal decision and it can be extreme for some people. I will never try to push this lifestyle on anyone but I would like people to take a step back and think about how much meat they eat. Even just consuming less meat than normal will help lessen the strain that the meat industry puts on our planet. I saw this amazing idea online somewhere of starting "Veggie Mondays". Every Monday try to eat anything but meat all day. It's only one day to commit to and it can be a great way to incorporate some creativity and culture into your cooking and your diet.

Another way we can lighten the stress on our planet is to choose better meats. Go to local farms or farmers market. Buy meats from farmers that do not overuse antibiotics and allow their cattle to eat grass instead of corn. Not only are you supporting people in your own community but you are buying food that has traveled less than 100km to get to you instead of 1000's of kms. You're also supporting ethical food production instead of giving your money to factory farming.

One of the biggest challenges I have found since making the jump to vegetarian and then vegan has been finding good recipes. I recently tried a recipe from The Kind Diet and am in love with it. Here is Alicia's chocolate frosting (The Kind Diet 2009, p.190):

Ingredients:
-1/2 cup (4 ounces) Earth Balance Butter
-1/2 cup agave nectar
-2 teaspoons vanilla extract
-1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
-1/2 cup soy milk powder

Directions:
To make the Fudge Frosting, use a mixer to cream the butter together with the agave nectar in a mixing bowl until very smooth. Add the vanilla extract and about half the cocoa powder, mix on low speed to combine, then add the remaining cocoa powder. Add in the soy milk powder, and beat at medium-high speed until fluffy. If it is runny, refrigerate the frosting until it sets up a little.

I used this frosting on cupcakes that I made from Kim Barnouin's Skinny Bitch: Ultimate Everyday Cookbook. Keep tuned tomorrow for the cup cake recipe and "Reason #2 for becoming vegetarian".

Meditation, Love and Boy Movies

A few weeks ago I went to the open house at the Shambhala here in Halifax. They do a guided meditation for 45 minutes, tea and treats for 15 minutes and then an hour long lecture/discussion every Wednesday. The guest speaker started the talk with "I recently fell in love so I figured that would be a good topic to discuss tonight." Inside I cringed. Love has been such a source of negativity recently in my life. Thankfully though, she wanted to talk about love for everyone/everything, not romantic love.

She touched on some Buddhist principles but it was a contemplation activity she had us participate in that stuck out the most too me. We all had to sit like we were going to meditate, with our eyes clothes but instead of meditating she prompted us to think of specific people in our lives. The first was to send love to someone we care about deeply. The second was to send love to someone in our life that really needs love and support. And the third was to send love to anyone else. It could be a friend, family member, neighbour, coworker or even someone you don't particularly like.

I have done this type of exercise before. Normally at the end of a yoga practice I will dedicate my practice to someone in my life and send love to them. By doing this every time I get on my mat I have been able to infuse love into my life no matter what happens to be going on. One of my favorite quotes (don't remember where I heard it) is "Put out into the world what you want the most". By me sending out love to people every single day I guarantee that there is always love in my life.

This is something I think everyone should do. I always get a warm feeling in my chest when I focus on sending love to someone in my life. I even do this with people that I don't get a long with or don't particularly care for. By sending love to these people I find you start to have more compassion for them. Instead of criticizing them or building stories about them in your head you start to understand them more and cultivate positive energy in the relationship you have with them. There is one person in particular that I have been sending a lot of love to over the past few months. Her and I used to be good friends until a year and a half ago when we had a falling out. Words were said, feelings were hurt, trust was betrayed. The usual story. And even though I tried to repair the friendship, it has stayed shattered in tiny pieces since then. I have accepted that we will never be friends again but I still hope for the best for her and regularly send love and positivity her way. It has been one of the best learning experiences I have ever had and I highly recommend trying to send love to someone you have had a falling out with.

Source: Deviantart

Which kind of brings me to the topic of today's post: Valentine's Day. The "awesome" holiday for anyone in love and the "not so awesome" holiday for anyone not in love. This will be the first time I've been single for Valentine's day in I don't even know how long. We're talking at least 5 years here. When I first realized that I got a bit anxious. No one wants to be alone on Valentine's Day. I'll agree that it is a commercial holiday designed to make people spend money in the break between Christmas and St. Patty's Day. I know that you shouldn't need a holiday as an excuse to be romantic with a partner; that should be done any day of the year. But when coworkers started to put up heart decorations around the office it seemed like a constant reminder of how very single I am right now.

So to turn Valentine's Day on it's head I'm going to spend it with my soul mates and send love to the non-romantic relationships I have in my life. I'm going for dinner and then to a "boy movie" with two of my closest girlfriends. These girls have been the foundation in my life for the past few years. Through good times and bad these women have always been there for me. That is what a soul mate is I think. Someone that, no matter what, will always have a tissue for you when you need to cry or a bottle of wine when you need to be distracted. No matter what romance comes and goes in our lives, we will forever be each others soul mates. To these two women, I love you with my whole heart. You are both strong, smart and fierce and I'm excited to be able to spend my Valentine's Day with you two.

This Valentine's Day take a moment or two to sit, breath and send love to someone or everyone in your life, not just your romantic partner.

Staying Sad

February is always the point in winter where I start to get sick of the cold. I get sick of the snow, of scraping my car in the morning. I get sick of having to wear big winter jackets and of going through so much windshield washer fluid. If there is snow on the ground it is usually filthy by this point. It has lost it's pristine, sparkling glow that has always been able to mesmerize me with its beauty. A fresh, clean snow fall is one of the very few things I actually enjoy about winter.

Source: Deviantart

February is when I start to dream of summer. Or heck, I'd even take spring at this point. The days start to get longer and the snow starts to melt. You start to notice the sounds of birds chirping in the morning and the bright green of the tulips fighting against the snow to get some sunlight. It's the season that represents new beginnings. We get the urge to make changes in our lives; to re-invent ourselves. Normally by the time February rolls around people are starting to get restless. We want spring to happen. We want to be warm again and to look forward to the transition from winter to summer.

This year it is different for me though. I have always been the type of person to want to improve. I've never truly been happy with just being in the moment. I have always felt the need to want something more, to be something more, and to get over being sad or depressed as fast as possible. I mean, c'mon, who actually wants to be sad or depressed? Who wants to be stuck in the same old habits or be down in the dumps all the time? I think most people do everything they can to avoid feeling anything uncomfortable. I know I did for the last 24 years of my life.

But this February I have decided to change that. Instead of yearning for the warmth of the sun and the changes that spring time always brings, I want to be completely present right now. No more avoiding the uncomfortable moments. No more pretending to be happy when I'm not. I think everyone can learn a lot from just letting themselves be sad/lonely/depressed/etc. The more we try to ignore it or push past it the more it will build up inside of us. We should revel in the beauty of being sad/lonely/depressed/etc just like we revel in the beauty of being happy/joyful/content/etc. It is so cliché to say but we would never experience the highs without the lows. We would never know warmth or happiness unless we had experienced cold or sadness. But not only do we need to experience lows in order to experience the highs, I think we need to experience the lows to know that we can survive them.

Almost everyone I know lives in some kind of fear. Fear of failure, fear of being hurt, fear of letting people down. Fill in the blank for the fear in your own life. So we hold ourselves back. We would rather never take a chance at something we really, really want because we might fail. We might have to go through an uncomfortable experience. But what if we have already made it to the other side of an uncomfortable experience? What if we survived being sad/lonely/depressed/etc? I truly believe that if we stopped pretending to be happy all the time and let ourselves experience the "bad" emotions we would no longer live a life of fear. We would have no need to hold ourselves back from what we really want because we would know that yes, even if I fail and become lonely/sad/depressed, I know that I can live through it and be happy again.

It has taken me a long time to finally be ok with feeling the bad. To really give myself over to being lonely/sad/depressed. I know that it won't last forever and that I'll be better for having gone through it. So spring can take it's time IMO. I want to live in the now, in the coldness of winter with my sorrow, so that when spring time comes, I'll actually be ready for the changes it will bring.

Taking a shot at poetry

I have never been much of a writer. English in school was never my strong suit. But over the years I have gotten better and better at expressing my opinions, feelings and ideas. Which has brought me to a bit of a crossroad. How much is too much to share? Should I really voice all of my opinions? What if someone is offended or disagrees? What if someone judges me for thinking a certain way? I think everyone faces these types of fears in some area of their life.

It is these fears that almost stopped me from writing this post. Last week I dabbled a bit in poetry. I have been reading more and more amazing poets lately but haven't written it since grade 9 English class. In an attempt to get out some emotions that I felt I had been holding in, I wrote a poem. Since then I have been struggling about whether or not I should post it. What if the person it is about reads it? What if someone is offended by the content or by the language? I had pretty much decided I wasn't going to post it until I read this amazing article over at Elephant Journal. Katarina is brilliant, that is all there is to it.

So this is for you Katarina. Thank you for giving me the courage and being my inspiration to share my art and my voice with the world.

Bleeding Heart

We fucked.
and fucked
and fucked
and fucked.

We reacted to each others bodies so naturally,
like two nuclei fusing together so forcibly
and exploding just as strongly.
You touched me everywhere I wanted to be touched and in precisely the right way
leaving me in a state of ultimate bliss underneath your sweaty bed sheets.
Your scent tattooed into my hair
into the crevice of my elbow and behind my knees.
So that later, when I was alone, I would be reminded of the tingle in my toes
of the way you kissed my face and my breasts,
of the rhythm of our bodies moving together like one.

But somewhere amongst all the fucking I fell in love with you
so deeply in love with you it made my skin hurt.
It made those tattoos burn with desire and passion
it made me want to be with you every moment of the day
and to run to the depths of the Amazon jungle to hide from you.
You pried open my chest and grabbed my heart with both hands
and you brought me back to life
You took a jackhammer to the walls that I had so delicately plastered
pushed them aside like they were nothing but Lego and play-doh.
You consumed me so deeply that I was gasping for breath
even though I wanted so badly to drown deeply in your eyes,
in your sweat,
in the pleasure of it all.

This kind of love is terrifying in the most real and inexplicable way
It grabs you unexpectedly and shreds all of your senses into tiny pieces
Before you know it you find your heart outside of your body
ripped from your chest and lying in the dirty hands of your lover
still beating..
As you lie there bleeding you can't help but wonder how is it still beating?
And what of those hands?
Will those hands belong to your knight in shining armor?
The one person that will hold you during your darkest nightmares and say "everything will be OK"
Will they be the one person that will look so deeply into your soul it makes your stomach hurt
and your intestines all squeamish.
Or do they belong to someone that will never really see you
Someone that will lose interest and toss your bleeding heart to the side
like an empty cup of coffee
high from the caffeine but in need of another fix.
Leaving you broken and bloody on the sidewalk.

This fear was very present at the creation.
Even you could see it there swimming beneath the surface
haunting me in the darkest of night and in the brightest of day.
Causing many nightmares and tension.
It would never fully leave me alone
but it would start to soften
the edges wouldn't cut through my skin anymore
the scabs eventually starting to heal
and as you rubbed the scars left behind by my internal war
I believed that this time it could be different.
But this realization was bittersweet,
the moment I decided to let you keep my heart and not fear it being broken,
was the moment you no longer wanted it.
The moment you decided that all of it was too much,
that you didn't have the desire to fight with me... or for me.
It required too much effort to be interested in my dreams,
you no longer wanted to come along with me for the ride on this roller coaster called life.

So you left me there, on the sidewalk,
broken and bleeding with my heart beside me
barely beating.

Things I have learned during 30 days of yoga

For the month of November I participated in the Moksha Yoga Dartmouth's 30 day challenge. The rules are pretty simple: practice yoga every day for 30 days. That's it. The purpose is to make your practice a habit. It is said that it takes 21 days of repetition to build a habit that is 60% likely to stick. Or something along those lines.

So I committed myself to 30 days of yoga. There were some ups and downs throughout the month but I stuck to being true to myself and my practice and learned a lot. Here is some of what I learned.

1. You don't actually have to do yoga every day. A lot of people that participated in the challenge will disagree with me on this one but hear me out. In our Western society, our schedules (for the most part) are dictated by our jobs. Mine being a Monday to Friday 9-5 type job, it does put restrictions on when I can actually practice yoga. There were a handful of days over the past month where after having a crappy night of sleep and a long day at work all my body wanted to do was sleep when I got home. And so that's what I did. I slept for 12+ hours. No joke. Straight through the night. I confess... I skipped yoga class and I didn't roll out my mat at home. Instead I listened to my body and my body told me to crawl into bed and close my eyes for an unknown amount of time. This is yoga. Listening to our bodies and knowing what is right for us in this moment. Whether that is not going to class or not going up into headstand when everyone else is. Be present in your life.

2. My body wants to be healthy. I have always been a relatively healthy person. Sure I have my days where I can wake up and have ice cream for breakfast. But for the most part those days are few and far between. When I am practicing almost daily though I find my body craves healthy foods. I no longer crave sweets or greasy foods. My body wants vegetables and fruits and real food. Our bodies are smart machines and if we listen closely enough they will tell us exactly what they need.

3. The ego is powerful. This one I feel is pretty obvious. For the first week of my challenge I was constantly looking around at other people in class. I couldn't help but compare myself to others. "Her heels are touching the ground in down dog" or "his upper body strength makes bakasana look so easy", etc. I found it so discouraging and distracting when I was comparing my practice to them. I recognized this at the end of the first week and made an effort to keep my eyes on myself, the wall or my mat for the next week. Of course my eyes would still wander but when I realized what I was doing I just brought my attention back to myself. Everyone gets that competitive feeling in class (even instructors) and that's ok. When it comes up for you just try to acknowledge the feeling and bring yourself back to your own mat. Don't be discouraged by it.

4. Yogis are not perfect. A lot of times yogis are labeled as being peace lovers, hippies, never get angry, zenned-out, vegan, etc. But we really are just regular people. Most of us make a conscious effort to practice things like ahimsa but we're not perfect. For me this is particularly obvious when I'm driving to yoga class. I try to have patience with other drivers but sometimes that just isn't possible. And that's ok. If you do 30 days of yoga in a studio like I did sometimes you might feel left out when other yogis talk about their vegan diet, their hemp clothes, etc. Remember that they are not perfect and some of them probably even rush home to sink their teeth into a big, juicy burger. Don't let their "yogi" persona bother you.

5. Finding teachers you like is key. I think anyone that is comfortable to stand in front of people and teach them how to move their bodies is brave. I have the utmost respect for all yoga teachers. But that doesn't mean I like all of them for my own practice. I have been to some classes that I find the teachers voice or demeanor is so distracting that I can't focus on my practice. Everyone has a personal preference when it comes to the "type" of yoga instructor they like. It is important to find instructors that you feel a connection with and stick with their classes.

6. Drink a lot of water. For the first ~two weeks of the month I'm pretty sure I was dehydrated. I drank the normal amount of water I have always drank. Instead I really should have increased my consumption. So for the last two weeks I increased my water intake and felt a lot better; more energized, aware and alive. My 30 days was in a hot room (for the most part) so I sweat a lot but even if yours is not in a hot room, drink as much water as you can handle. The water will not only keep your body hydrated but it will help your digestive system work more efficiently and flush out the toxins your organs sometimes hold on to. If you do sweat a lot in your practice make sure to also replenish your electrolytes. Some easy ways to do this is to drink lemon water (full lemon worth), coconut water (no sugar added) or eat a piece of fruit right after your practice.

7. Your body will get strong. I can only comment on my own experience but the difference in the over all strength of my body from Nov 1st to Nov. 30th is remarkable. I can now keep my legs straight when I lift up into headstand! Before I always had to bend them into my chest and extend from there. I know everyone progresses at their own pace but I have found that in one month my flexiblity and strength has improved faster than it has during any other period of time in my yoga practice. When you are practicing every single day you become very aware of your body. You will start to notice the subtlest of changes. Like maybe chaturanga isn't as hard as it normally is. Or warrior 2 doesn't burn until the 3rd time you do it instead of the 1st. Whatever the change is, it'll happen and it feels marvelous.

8. Emotions will come up. I can't speak for everyone but I found that after doing certain poses over and over again over the course of 4 weeks I would find certain emotions would arise every time. Towards the end of the month I found myself in a downward facing dog almost in tears. For some reason this particular down dog made me whole body overflow with emotions. Fear, doubt, joy, sadness, anxiety, hope, faith. All of it came out in the 5 breaths I spent in this pose. Thankfully it was a hot class so the tears were mixed in with the beads of sweat. I haven't had this happen to this extreme before but I have found that I will be peaceful and present in a pose when all of a sudden an emotion washes over me. My best piece of advice is to ride it out. Let it take it's course in your body/mind. Experience it fully and then let it go. Remember that nothing is permanent and you will get past that feeling.

9. Find your yoga vibe. One of the biggest things I learned this month is that a daily practice is just not for me. I missed 4 days in 4 weeks. Hence a 6 day a week practice is more suited for my life and body. I find if I miss more than one day in a row I am craving yoga, but I do feel like I need at least one day of rest a week. I think this will fluctuate for the next few months depending on what is going on in my life but for the most part it will be a 6 days a week practice for me. I have also discovered that I like certain styles of yoga more than others; I tend to enjoy Baptiste and Ashtanga style classes the most. There is no "best" yoga style though. There is only what is "best" for you. So find what style you like and stick with it. :)

10. Last but not least, yoga can actually help you through major events in your life. This month my grandmother passed away. Specifically, she passed away at 2:20am Monday, November 14th. Nan had been diagnosed with colon cancer in June of 2010. We knew that it would be terminal but had no idea how long we had left with her. She started chemo treatments around Christmas time of last year but by August 2011 there was nothing more they could do for her. I think her death didn't hit me as hard as it could have because I have been preparing for it since August when all of her treatments stopped (or I am in denial). When her treatments ended I started to dedicate every moment I spent on the yoga mat to her. This was my way of dealing with what was going to happen. To honor her I actually went to yoga class that Monday. It's funny how the universe works because Monday classes are with my favorite instructor in Halifax, Stefanie Winters. As usual her class was awesome and I'm so proud to have been able to dedicate it to my Nan.

The overall experience was fantastic. I can't wait to do the challenge again next year. I highly recommend trying this out if you want to deepen your yoga practice. Remember, it doesn't have to be in a yoga studio. Even committing to doing it at home will benefit you in so many ways.

"This practice becomes firmly rooted when it is cultivated skillfully and continuously for a long time." - The Yoga Sutra of Patanjali 1:14