Thursday, May 3, 2012

10 Things I'm Afraid To Tell You

Most of my favorite bloggers are people that are (or seem to be) 100% honest and genuine on the web. I love how transparent they are about their fears, their failures, their successes, etc. Almost every time I read a post by one of these people I think to myself, "Why can't I be more like that?". So, in an attempt to be true to myself and to let whoever reads this know a bit more about myself, I'm going to list 10 things that I'm afraid to tell you. I got this idea from the amazing Becca at Life as an Artistpreneur. Even though I'm sure she doesn't know who I am, I love her writing, her creativity and her photography skillz (yes, skillz with a z because they're that awesome).

1. I try to appear confident in every aspect of my life but secretly there is a scared, little girl inside me. I am constantly afraid of failure. Or of not being good enough.

2. Even though the majority of the people in my life are older than me and I'm comfortable around them, I always get uncomfortable and fear judgement when I run into people I went to school with.

3. Sometimes I wish I could quit my job, sell all of my belongings and run away to a cabin in the woods to do yoga, read, and grow all my own food.

4. I tend to easily forget things like birthdays, anniversaries, etc. I have a calendar and a day planner but since I rarely open either I always end up forgetting until the last minute.

5. I am jealous of all those people that don't have a "regular" job. Those creatives that make their own schedule, that do what they love.

6. Sometimes I talk smack. It is my way of venting. If I vent it to (the select few) people in my life then I won't be inappropriately mean to people face to face.

7. I think I have commitment problems. Not in my romantic life but in pretty much everything else. I have wanted a "big" tattoo for years now but cannot settle on something I want and actually get it. I want a creative job but what that job is tends to change from month to month.

8. I often wonder what holds myself back. Whether it is fear of failure or fear of success.

9. I have a self diagnosed minor case of OCD. To the point where I will not step on a crack (break your mother's back).... ever.

10. I have been trying to redesign/brand my blog for.... 4 years. I even bought my own domain but never put anything on it that is satisfactory to my liking.

After re-reading this it could appear as pretty dramatic/depressing. This is not the intent of this post. I always find it hard to actually write posts for fear of saying the wrong thing and offending someone or being judged.. This, I am hoping, will be a small form of therapy for me. Because all of the things I'm scared to say are right there, above this paragraph. And I'm sick of trying to be anything but myself.

So, here's to being the real us. I'd love to hear your thoughts or even read your own lists.


  1. this is a great idea!
    I also am jealous of people who don't have a "regular" job (wish that was me) and wish I could just run away and live in the woods.

    I agree with you, my favourite bloggers are those that are honest :)

  2. Christine,

    It's funny that I read this today, it's exactly what I needed to hear and I LOVE the idea of this post. I find it so brave, and I really did enjoy reading your list! It makes you feel authentic, and like you I love authenticity. After reading the whole list, I was surprised at the end when you said you were worried how people would take the post, what their opinion of it and of you would be... because you seemed very confident to me. And I related to what you said about that fear.

    I related because (as you know) I posted this really vulnerable video blog post today. It was all about following your dreams and voicing those dreams to give them the respect they deserve. I thought it would be a good idea to voice my own dreams because I'd hate to give advice that I can't take myself. So I did it even though they almost felt ridiculous to say out loud - let alone to say them out loud on a video blog for the entire world to laugh at. Seriously, I was so anxious about posting the video I called my sister twice asking her if she was 100% sure it would be okay... So I posted it, and the first response I got was a negative one :/. It wasn't mean, she did say that she liked the message of the post but she also said that I came across as "pretentious, ridiculous and patronising". So, my heart sinks and it hurt to hear. Because, much like you say you are in this post, I'm always fearful of saying the wrong thing, of offending someone, and of being judged.

    You know what though? Slowly but surely I'm beginning to realise that IT'S OKAY for us to be who we are. IT'S OKAY for us to be the real us. And no, not everyone is going to like it and appreciate it. And there will be people who think I'm ridiculous and pretentious, and people who may think you sound dramatic and depressing. But there will also be people out there who get us and love us for our authenticity and for the fact that we have the balls to be REAL in a world where everything seems so much the same! Right?

    Anyways, so I loved reading your post because it made me feel like I'm not alone. I'm not alone in feeling the fear of what people will think, and I'm not alone in just doing it anyway. With this blog post of yours and with mine from today, we were ourselves, we put ourselves out there, and we can only be proud of that!

    So thanks for posting this <3 It meant a lot to me and inspired me to keep on keepin' on! <3

  3. Christine,

    Thanks for finding the courage to share this list, anyway. I can relate to so many of the things you've listed and find it comforting to know that someone else shares those fears. Perhaps, in the knowledge that we're not alone, we can find the strength/fearlessness to step through it and try something different- as far as the deciding goes at least. I think that's my biggest one- being afraid to make the wrong choice so not choosing at all. Sounds silly when I write it down, and probably like it's not that big a deal (and it's not when I'm trying to choose the pen to write with, ha!) but it is a big deal when it leaves me paralysed at the precipice of the rest of my life. Good on ya for speaking up my dear!

  4. I pretty much agree with your entire list...except the growing my own food. I don't think they have seeds for nachos and burgers?!

  5. ditto! i know exactly what you mean. even though we are talking to mostly strangers who we are not likely to meet anytime soon, or ever, i am still afraid to say and post things that would "expose" me. kudos on your courage. i will now write this down so i can do it on my blog as soon as i am done with my finals.