Mini Elephant, Kinky Sex and Relationships

Mini elephant.

No, this isn't a post about oxymorons. Mini elephant would be an excellent safe word. What is a safe word you ask? It's a word or short phrase that wouldn't naturally come up in conversation or during moments of intimacy.

Safe words got their moment in the spotlight with the popularity of the book 50 Shades of Grey by E.L. James. Traditionally, safe words are used when two people are in an intimate situation and one person isn't ok with what's going down (pun intended). The reason "no" or "stop" shouldn't be used is because sometimes people are pretending or acting out intimate scenes and they may not actually mean "no" or "stop". Hence, establishing a safe word. I recommend that any two people that are going to engage in intimate relations establish a safe word beforehand. Even if you aren't going to get into doing anything kinky, it's still something that either of you can use that should immediately stop whatever is happening.

Photo credit.

Matt and I have a safe word for outside of the bedroom as well. In our past relationships there were many times our partners have not taken something we have said seriously enough for our liking. Which usually resulted in some kind of fight or simmering resentment. Our fix for that? A safe word. Although we haven't actually had to use it in our relationship it has been a great "just in case" tool to have in our bag. If one of us is ever feeling under appreciated or don't think the other has taken a concern seriously enough, our safe word is in our arsenal to use. It's our big, red, flashing light that says "Hello, you need to listen to me right now, even if you don't think this is important." Just having it there makes me feel so much more secure because I know that there is something definite to get his attention and vice versa. One of the biggest reasons for fights in relationships is a miscommunication or lack of communication in general. This is what we will use to fight that if we need to.

I have even found myself wishing I could have safe words for my relationships with friends and family because I'm sure a lot of fights would have been resolved quicker had we had one.

So right now, I want you to go to your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, or lover and establish a safe word with them. Something that either of you can use inside or outside the bedroom to grab the others attention. Even if you never have to use it, it's still great to have, just in case.